As I write this, keep in mind I am not angry, I am not upset, I'm just thoughtful. I'm a thinker. I really consider what people say and analyze it. Throughout the night thoughts kept popping into my head and it's therapeutic for me to voice them. Also know, that the man who spoke these things was not trying to be hurtful. He was just speaking what he thought and how he felt.
To My Neighbor,These are the answers I wanted to give to your comments, but refrained from doing so.
"I couldn't live with all these kids. I feel bad for you."
Please don't. I chose this. I love this. Are there hard days? Yes! You have hard days too, I know it. I have my struggles, but so do you. Ours are simply different. Our house is filled with chaos, noise, and mess. It is also filled with love, laughter, and joy. I actually I think I have a great life, especially when I really stop and consider all that I have.
"Your son likes to play at our house because we don't have all the siblings in the way."
No. My son likes to play at your house because you give him unlimited access to video games. Your son has his own, massive play house in the back yard. You have a basement full of amazing toys just for your one child. All of that is new to him. New is exciting and fun. Does it mean my boy doesn't like his home? No. Does it mean he doesn't like his siblings? No. Ask him. I know for a fact he loves having a big family. He asks me all the time if we can have ten kids. He dotes on his baby brother. He always has a playmate at his house. It's actually your son who doesn't like to play over here. That is why they always go to your house. Your son wants to go home and play on the computer and play with his cool stuff, and I get that. When he's not here though, my son will play outside with our animals, he'll play games with his siblings or parents, he plays with his simple toys, he'll entertain himself. He's happy. (As a side-note, our boys play once a week.)
"So you're having your fifth. Wow. Then you're done, right?"
Honestly I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why you care. When the hubs and I married we planned on six. However, the fifth is not here. If I feel overwhelmed when the fifth gets here, or I feel like I can't have another one without loosing my mind, or neglecting the ones I have, I'll stop. It may surprise you but I'm not just having kids to have them. I love them. I want them. I am involved with them. I may have a lot of kids, but I am very careful with my time. I do things that make ME feel like a good mom. Things that make us feel like good parents are different for every person. Universally though, I know we all want our kids to feel loved. I believe my kids feel loved. We all agree they need attention. I make sure each kid has some of my time to themselves daily. I plan special things and events just for them. I am very conscientious in my parenting. It's not perfect, but man, am I trying. Which is probably the same way you feel about your parenting.
I often hear that people who come from big families end up having small ones because they didn't like it. That is not true in my case. Almost every person I've known who had lots of siblings, grew up and had a big family too. Our family get-togethers with the hub's family (they have six kids) are so fun! The siblings love each other. They love to spend time together. It's a blast. It's the type of joy I want in my life. I love the stage I am in now, but I am also excited to sit with my children and grandchildren some day. I am excited to see them interact. I am excited to see them care for one another. That is what brings a smile to MY face.
So please, please, don't feel sorry for me. Don't feel sorry for my kids. Feel joy in your own family and your own choices. Try to see the joy in my children's faces. They are happy. They are healthy. They are joy.
