Yesterday Was a Good Day

(This pic is from a couple of years ago.)

Yesterday was a good day. 

On Monday we had Family Home Evening.  We went over things we have been asked to do as disciples of Jesus. We rated how we were doing.  We rejoiced over the ones we feel successful on and made a list of areas that needed improvement.  

I am a teacher by trade.  I love charts, graphs, and lists.  The kids have a task chart to start as soon as they get up.  For each task they complete (without a Mom reminder) they get to put a marble in their jar.  The jar has many uses, but currently they are all saving marbles to exchange for money because they want to buy themselves a community iPad.  Anyway, I updated our chart to include personal scripture study and prayer.  I am strictly making myself follow the chart as well (which is sometimes made difficult by the two youngest). 

I did start out my day so smoothly yesterday.  I loved my scripture study.  I felt happy and positive.  The day ran smoothly.  I even got to lay on the trampoline for twenty minutes and stare at the sky.  It was beautiful and surprisingly not too hot. I felt refreshed.

Jonas helped made dinner and was a joy to be with. While making dinner, Quinten kept crying at my feet as usual, but Liberty kept coming to the rescue.  Heaven bless that girl.  She's probably the most giving (of her time and talents) person I know.  Her baby brothers adore her. She made me feel happy.

I had fun making a pie crust with Malachi.  I had fun pie with both Malachi and Liberty.  They were so proud of their first pie.

After dinner we went on a walk as a family and played at the park. The laughter of children is pretty much the best thing ever.  

After the kids went smoothly to bed (for the most part), I had a business call.  This call was awesome.  I made a new friend.  I can tell we are going to work well together.  I feel she'll be a listening ear when I need it.  She'll also push me to work harder and do better.  I went to bed feeling really great.  I was so happy I had a hard time sleeping.

Today has been rough.  I need a nap.  It's always so up and down.  I figured writing out yesterday's awesomeness would bring up some happy chemicals or something.  I do feel better, so it must have worked. :)

Weigh Loss Journey. Letting go.

Ok people. I know I talk about weight loss and health food a lot.  Too much.  I know it.  It's definitely a fault of mine. But please be patient with me for one last post.  

That pic above.  That is me around 170 lbs.  The smallest I've been as an adult. One lb. above a healthy weight for my height.  Man did it feel good.  I loved being thin.  It had its bad points, oddly enough, but overall, I loved it.

I so badly want to be there again.  I'm not going to lie, I want to LOOK like that again.  More importantly though, I want to feel like that again.  I want to easily be able to navigate my attic.  I want to move around the car and other enclosed spaces with ease.  I want to do headstands.  I want my kids to see me at a healthy weight. 

When I started my weight loss journey 7 years ago, I had a 9 month old baby girl.  I was nursing.  I did Weight Watchers.  I lost nothing.  For three months I followed it exactly and exercised 6 nights a week.  I lost nothing.  

I went to my doctor when it had been 2 months.  He told me, give it another month, you will start loosing.  I did.  He was right.  I lost 65 lbs over the next year.  Which took me from 265 down to 200 lbs. I liked 200 lbs.  I could still have a treat here and there and maintain quite easily. I maintained that for awhile, I can't remember how long.

Then I was pregnant with Damon.  I gained 35 lbs. back up to 235.  When I had him, I was down to 215.  Fifteen lbs seem doable.  It wasn't.  I went back on WW but continued to gain just a little bit at a time.  I got back to 235 and was stuck.

When Damon was around 2, I started on TSFL.  I lost 65 lbs (so that was down 100 from the heaviest I had been).  I became a health coach.  I learned a ton.  I loved it.  I loved being 170 lbs. I certified to teach Funkie Fusion.  I learned to love being active more and more.  It was a great time.

Then I got pregnant with Jonas.  I went from 170 lbs. up to 235 again.  My body really likes 235.  It was crazy how quickly I put that weight on.  I could hardly believe it.  When I had him I pretty much stayed at 235.  I tried doing TSFL again, but I just kept gaining so I switched over to Trim Healthy Mama.  On THM I at least stopped gaining, but I still didn't loose. I was still nursing Jonas when I found out I was pregnant with Quinten.

With Quinten I went from 235 to 270! Uggg.  When I had him I was 250.  Until recently I had pretty much stayed at that weight.  THM has mostly kept me from gaining but vacations have done me in.  Once I gain the weight, it sticks.  

I have never gone back to my old way of eating.  I drink a gallon of water a day.  I eat tons of greens.  I do not drink soda (except diet coke on a rare occasion or on vacation), I rarely eat sugar, I try to eat all whole foods. I eat a lot of protein.  I eat only whole grains, if I eat bread, it is usually homemade sprouted whole grain bread. I do believe carbs are important but only complex carbs.  

Eating whole foods takes time and work and effort.  I am willing to do it even though I do not loose weight.  Why?  Because I know it benefits me otherwise and I like the food I make,  It just makes me feel better.

I have coached several people to eat the same way I do.  Guess what! They've lost.  My mom has lost 50 and my dad has lost 60, for example.  My friends who do it with me have had great success.  Just.Not.Me.

So, I've been feeling like something is wrong.  I've really researched and thought about it.  I discovered that over production of prolactin (related to nursing) causes many of the issues I have.  There is also nothing you can do about it but quit nursing.  What's crazy, is looking over my history, you will see I ALWAYS lost the weight AFTER I was done nursing.  

I decided to go to the doctor today.  It did not go well.  She thinks she is a great listener but she is not.  She asked me to please let her speak her piece.  This is what I was told: 1) Drink water 8-10 glasses a day (DONE!) 2) Eat at least 30g of fiber (DONE!) 3) Do not eat processed foods (DONE!) 4) Eat protein with each meal. (DONE!) 5. Meditate (NOT DONE!).  Finally! Something I can do that is not being done.  Hallelujah!

I feel so unheard.  I feel so frustrated.  She finally decided I was a know-it-all (I'm putting words in her mouth) and sent me home with this advice: 1) Eat less; 2) Move more; 3) Try to let it go and be happy. And, yes, she is doing SOME lab work.  

Ok.  So here is my plan. Look at what my eating does for me.

1. For being this overweight, my body functions really well.  When Caleb and I first got married, we hiked a lot.  I usually had to wait at the bottom of the hill for him.  Now I can climb it with him. I can still teach an aerobics class (although not as well as I once could).

2. My numbers for labs usually look great.  (We'll see how these ones look.)  My blood pressure is great.  I have overall fantastic health.

3. I have energy.

4. I often feel happy.  (I've struggled a bit with PPD but not too bad.)

I believe in the power of positive thinking.  Being in direct sales, I am often listening to calls on positive thinking and being in charge of your own destiny.  I feel powerful.  I can do anything.  I will loose this weight.  I have to convince my head that it can happen because I am getting no help from anyone else. This is up to me (not saying the Lord won't help me, I mean no earthly being).

I can do this.  I will do this.  And I will try really hard to stop talking about it.  Thanks to all my friends who stick around despite my obsession.  I feel blessed to have you all.