Grr...again I am out of space on here for pictures. I toy with the idea of doing something different all the time. Even just doing online scrap booking, but I don't know exactly how all the works and how to make sure our family can see it. The only way they get to watch my kiddos grow up is through this blog. I could start my own page somehow, except I have no idea how, and are those easy to make into blog books? Any ideas anyone?
While I wait to hopefully hear some input from all of you, I do have some things I'd love to jabber about.
Do any of you have memories that randomly sneak up on you? Say late at night when you are trying to sleep or even just randomly any time of day? Moments that either make you sigh loudly or keep you up at night? I have a few things that just drive me crazy even to this day. I'm wondering if an unloading of them will make it better. We'll see!
In sharing these, I kind of lay my heart out on the line a little bit. Especially with the last two. I'm not looking for pity or digging for compliments. I'm just sharing some things that have shaped me. These memories are still helping to rub my rough edges off.
The first of these that comes to mind most often is my student teaching. I student taught with a lady who I'm pretty sure hated my guts. I would go into the whole story but it's long and annoying. Let's just say I think back about that time and it gets my wheels turning in so many directions. I had student taught with at least a half dozen teachers and had always had a great time. It was one of the first times I realized that some people will just not like me, no matter how hard I try, and that's OK. But I re-run parts of it over and over in my mind. I don't feel guilt anymore because I did seek her out and apologize for my part in the whole fiasco, but man, that was a tough time and memories of it still haunt me. Luckily some huge blessings came from my choice to leave that student teaching position, but I'll save that for another day.
I also re-play my evaluations from my mentor teacher from my first year of teaching. My principal loved me. He was so sad when we moved. My mentor, however, wasn't quite as impressed. It was her job to help me improve. I get it. But those negative things still get to me. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe because I invested so much into my teaching. I so badly wanted to do a good job. I wanted to do right by those kids, but they were tough. I had one seventh period class (mostly seniors) that nearly put me in my grave. I had another class that even my mentor said, "If you told them to go outside and stand on their heads in the snow, they'd do it for you. They love you." I know she didn't think I was a horrible teacher or anything, she had plenty of positive to say, but the dang negative stuff is what comes back the most.
There are quite a few more but I'll just share one more...well a two-in-one.
I've received two e-mails in my life that were difficult to receive. The first one was a friend who was extremely upset at something she perceived I had done. My memory of it, as well as Caleb's memory of it, was vastly different than hers. But either way she was upset. She sent me a huge e-mail letting me know all the things she disliked about me. Apparently her frustration had built up for quite some time. It was hard to swallow. Not because it was all untrue. It wasn't. Some of it was true. It's just that I accept my friends with all their flaws and I expect the same from them. We all know our flaws. It's hard to see them all laid out in the open like that. As hard as it was, I think it did help me. It helped me look inward and some inner reflection is good for all of us.
The other one was an e-mail where another friend told me how she had to distance herself from me. I hated (hate) that I was a person someone felt they needed to distance themselves from. I've had a very few amount of people in my life that I've had to distance myself from, and the reasons I've had to were pretty huge, so to be THAT person was (is) hard. Again though, not everyone has to, or even will, like me, but wouldn't it be nice if everyone did!
There you have it. My Memories. Laid out there for my one or two blog followers to glance at, or even possibly read. I think I may be crazy for sharing, but I've never claimed not to be crazy so I'll go with it.
